I recently came across another public Christian figure being abrasive and defending her stance by pointing at the life of Paul and his confrontational, abrasive manner. [1] “If he did it, so should I,” was this person’s motto.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this point of view espoused, especially in conservative Christian circles.
In the Bible, Paul at times comes off as abrasive, sarcastic, mocking, rude, blunt, courageous, arrogant, single-minded, revering no one, sharing publicly about the failings of others, passionate, and harsh. The difficult language of some versions masks this more than others, but it’s so clearly there—especially in the letters to the Corinthians and the early chapters of Galatians. [2]
A few years ago, while reading one of the letters to the Corinthians, I was startled in devotions by a sudden thought: “If I had met the apostle Paul, I probably wouldn’t have liked him much.”
And yet—I’ve known (and loved!) people like this, including my own mother. I’ve also seen how awful it can be for those lacking tact to be ostracized by the people around them, and the courage it takes them to keep speaking up.
And yet—Paul isn’t always so harsh and sarcastic, mocking and abrasive. The same man who wrote 2 Corinthians also wrote the tender words of Philippians and Ephesians. Paul was also the one who included love and gentleness in the fruit of the Spirit.
Brought up in the rabbinical and pharisaic traditions, Paul was skilled at argument and discourse. His letters are full of lists of exemplars for good and bad behaviour, similar to the teaching styles of the Pharisees. Paul now put his trust in Jesus rather than his own works, but many aspects of his underlying personality remained.
That said, sometimes people have different styles in-person as compared with in their writing. I suspect this was the case with Paul. His writings (especially to the Corinthians and Galatians) were strong and fierce, but in person he was much quieter and diminutive. In fact, the Corinthians said “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing.” (2 Corinthians 10:10) They expressed disdain for the difference between his written manner versus his oral one, and Paul defended himself (in a letter).
Perhaps the pharisaic side of Paul’s personality was more likely to emerge more in written form because of how highly educated he was.
But that was not the only side to Paul’s personality. It was in one of those same letters that Paul said:
To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
(1 Corinthians 9:20–23)
This leads me to wonder: what if Paul’s harsh letters to the Galatians and Corinthians were an example of his being all things to all people? Paul's abrasive personality might have been exactly what the Corinthians and Galatians needed to knock them out of their complacency and acceptance of sin.
Let me just pause here to say a lack of tact isn’t the same as wilful abrasion.
- A lack of tact is something that a person is incapable of changing. A person lacking tact may be able to train themselves to be somewhat more sensitive to social dynamics, but there will always be an underlying struggle to understand what should be said and done in given situations.
- On the other hand, wilful abrasion is intentional. A person is capable of being unabrasive, but chooses not to be. In time, wilful abrasion can become a habit.
Wilful abrasion, however, has a time and place to be used. Taking from the example of Paul and his use of this tool in his ministry, it would seem that abrasion is most effective when someone has already resisted gentler rebukes and is in danger of completely cementing ungodly behaviour in their life.
If we are wilfully abrasive without carefully selecting the time and place of our abrasion, we are not at all acting like Paul.
We are making a false equivalency between abrasion and godliness when no such equivalency exists.
Let’s remember Paul’s words about the fruit of the Spirit:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
(Galatians 5:22–23)
If we are to be godly, these are the traits that should be most evident in our lives.
Instead of reading Paul’s exhortation to "follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1) as a challenge to to develop abrasive, harsh practices, let’s take it as it really was: a call to follow Jesus in connecting with people, in avoiding wilful abrasion as much as possible (Matthew 17:24–27), and in putting a priority on glorifying God.
Let’s pause for a moment to think about the context of that “follow me as I follow Christ” verse. The first thing to remember is that our chapter breaks in our Bibles were added hundreds of years after Paul wrote his letters, to help us more easily navigate them. When we remove the chapter break, here’s where this verse comes from:
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
(1 Corinthians 10:31–11:1)
Let me reiterate again, Christians who lack natural tact should not be ostracized, but embraced with love and understanding. All personality types are useful and valuable in God's kingdom just as you and I are useful and valuable. We have each been created for a specific purpose. And we do well not to degrade one another for differences in our spiritual and emotional personalities.
But the rules are different for those of us who can be tactful but sometimes choose not to be. We are to choose our times of abrasion carefully and prayerfully. We are to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, including gentleness, as much as possible. We are to follow the example of Christ, and to exhibit our love of people by doing our best to provide them with ample opportunities to experience and embrace the glory of God.
NOTES
Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptures are taken from the NIV.
[1] Why do people often bring up Paul and not Jesus? After all, Jesus turned over tables and was very harsh with the Pharisees. I suspect the reason we bring up Paul and not Jesus is because we’ve imprinted on the harshness of the Paul of Corinthians and Galatians. Jesus’ gentleness and compassion are harder to ignore.
[2] I recommend taking a look at the First Nations Version if you’re having trouble seeing the abrasiveness of Paul’s approach in the letters to the Corinthians and Galatians.
