This is the second of a two-part blog series. In the last post, we examined a premise that I believe holds true for every church, no matter its size.
Pastors cannot and should not be expected to be counsellors or therapists to their congregants.
That is because the role and approach of a pastor is the polar opposite of a therapist’s.
Last time, we compared several of the dimensions in which pastors and therapists operate, including everyday life, training, and mentality. We also talked about the severe repercussions that can ensue when a pastor attempts to enter the sphere of counsellor or therapist for someone who needs mental health support. Now, let’s continue the discussion…
WHERE DOES THIS COME FROM?
Much of the idea of pastors acting as counsellors or therapists comes from historical legacy.
In Western culture, the church has historically tried to supply communities with all that they need for the necessities of life and dealing with times of crisis. For instance, churches have been responsible for creating and running hospitals, soup kitchens, schools, and so on. This is a wonderful way to reach out to those in need and provide them with tangible demonstrations of God’s love and mercy.
However, in modern times, I believe we need to re-examine this “church is everything” mentality and decide where it still makes sense. We should be humbly willing to jettison it in areas that could prove to be harmful.
At its root, I think part of this problem may be connected with a faulty underlying assumption. Sometimes, we think just because we have something to say, we are qualified to say it.
For instance, at one point more than 15 years ago, I know of a church that decided to incorporate. To save money, they decided that the pastor and some of the lay leadership would create the necessary documents. Non-experts decided that they could do the jobs of lawyers, just because they could speak English.
The idea that someone who’s not a lawyer could somehow make sure to cover all the bases in a legal document as important one governing incorporation seems ludicrous. Yet I’m certain that this is not the only instance of such thinking. A similar creation of legal documents happened at a small company I used to work for.
People do this with the law, and they do it with counselling.
What I’m going to say next applies to any Christian, not just pastors.
Just because you’re human and you have high emotional intelligence, or some sort of experience, doesn’t mean you’re qualified to do counselling.
There’s no way to say this too strongly. You may have taken a few courses on “Biblical counselling,” but this does not qualify you to be a therapist or a counsellor. Your qualifications are lacking unless you can be certified by the Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, or a similar body in whatever country you come from.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
I understand that people come to pastors with questions about spiritual things, perhaps looking for advice. It may be fine to have a one-off discussion with a congregant, but as soon as the requirement becomes regular, this is no longer a spiritual consultation. It is either discipleship or therapy. (It might sometimes be difficult for pastors to distinguish between the two, so I will give some tips on this below.)
If it’s discipleship:
The pastor should ensure that it’s carried out by whomever regularly carries out discipleship. In small churches, this might involve a pastor and his/her spouse as mentors. In larger churches, this might involve a discipleship team, a Sunday School leader, or someone similar.
Sometimes discipleship, especially when talking about spiritual aspects like forgiveness, might also touch on certain emotional realities. But a mentor should not try to also fill the role of therapist; instead, s/he should make sure that the person being discipled is also set up with a therapist with whom s/he can work through psychological issues. “This is something that you should talk through with your therapist” is a valid response in some situations.
Discipleship should definitely not take place between two people who might be sexually attracted to each other, and it should be done in a way that isn’t secretive and open to the possibility of giving in to temptation.
If it’s counselling/therapy:
The pastor has other options.
A pastor would never dare to run a hospital if he had no medical training, would he? No, he would partner with a doctor to do so. This begs the question: why would we ever think that a pastor might be qualified to treat someone’s mind—the most complex organ in the human body—without the appropriate training?
Though it might require some outlay, the solution is simple.
Large churches should be able to hire a qualified Christian therapist as part of their church staff. As part of his or her job, that therapist should be required to not attend the church where he or she works. This would remove the danger of the therapist becoming ensnared in the same dual relationships that we’re trying to avoid by removing this task from pastors.
Smaller churches should cultivate relationships with Christian therapists in their area, to whom they can refer congregants. It would be prudent for those small churches to see if they can work out some sort of discount plan or co-payment, to support congregants whose finances are a barrier to getting the care they need from the people best qualified to help.
Churches in rural areas might struggle with finding an accessible Christian therapist, but even here there are options. Following the advent of COVID, most therapists now offer online services. A rural church would be able to find and partner with a remotely-located Christian therapist to support its members. Outfitting a side room with soundproofing and a computer to allow congregants the ability to engage in therapy remotely would be a potential solution.
Quite a large proportion of pastors have never undergone therapy themselves, so they don’t have a good understanding of what is or isn’t therapy. If you are one such pastor, I’d recommend that you educate yourself. Talk with a qualified therapist about what is or isn’t therapy. Try going to a few sessions yourself. At the very least you’ll be educating yourself on a powerful tool that can be used for your congregants’ well-being. But you might also find that a Christian therapist can help you to deal with some of the hurts and baggage from your own past, and ultimately enable you to be a better shepherd for your congregation.
TO CONGREGANTS
If you’re reading this as a congregant, you may be tempted to go to your pastor for therapy to save money, but please don’t. The risk to both you and your pastor is simply too high.
Instead, ask your pastor for a referral to a certified Christian therapist. Anyone certified through the Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy would have the necessary qualifications. That list is not limited to Christians but does include Christian therapists who will be able to help you process your circumstances in a way that acknowledges and honours God. These people might include psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, or MSWs (social workers certified at a graduate level). Get the help you need, from the people best equipped to help you.
NOTES
Both therapist friends whom I asked to review this post had the same question at the end: “Why do you care about this topic so much?”
Rather than let this question gnaw away and potentially undermine the focus on the message in these posts, I'll answer it. Simply put, I’ve been abused sexually, emotionally, and spiritually in the past. I’ve also been betrayed by a therapist. I know the torment that can ensue after such experiences. The idea that all of these things could be packaged up in just one situation—it’s almost too much for me to imagine. It can take years (if not decades) to heal from even one of these dimensions of abuse. It’s so vital that we act to protect the welfare of our pastors and congregants from being undermined by support systems whose dangers outweigh their potential benefits—especially when there are excellent alternatives out there.
