So many Christian leaders, pastors, and musicians have turned out to be leading double lives. Today we conclude our series looking at some of our hard questions on how to deal with anger, discouragement, and heartbreak at our leaders' lies and betrayals. We have essentially dug into this truth: “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” [1] The sins of other people can stick to our spirits almost as much as our own sins can, so we've opened up the curtains, unlocked the windows, and let the light pour in.
Here's a map of where we've been and where we're going:
1. Is Christian faithfulness impossible?
2. I'm so disheartened. What can I do?
3. I'm so heartbroken. How do I deal with this?
4. I'm so furious I can't think straight. How do I tackle this?
6. How do I protect myself from sinning like them?
7. How can I help myself heal?
8. How can I deal with my other questions?
Let’s carry on…
8. I have another question, but you haven't answered it here.
Sometimes we have questions we can’t figure out on our own. We might need help. It's so important that we not give up in pursuing the answers to our questions. If nothing else, I'm hoping this series has helped to destigmatize talking about our feelings and reactions to difficult situations. Keeping these things bottled up will only result in cumulative moral injuries that eventually become too heavy to bear. When that happens, the pull to leave the church altogether will become intense.
Make no mistake: unhealed moral injuries often lead to existential crisis. A Christian without a church is in dire trouble. Together, we burn as a bonfire. Separately, we flicker as dying embers. [2] So, please resolve to dig in your heels and get your questions answered so you can finally experience relief from this burden.
Here are some possible resources and people you can turn to when you want to understand.
A. The Holy Spirit
Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to open your mind and heart to see His truth in the Scriptures. He should always be the first Person you turn to. He will always understand so much more than any person, or resource created by human beings!
Sometimes it might take days for His insight to penetrate your heart. Sometimes it might take longer.
Remember Jesus' parable of the unjust judge?
In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man.
There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent.’
For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.’
(Luke 18:2–5)
Jesus' point was not that God is an unjust judge, but that even an unjust judge can be moved to action by persistence. If an unjust judge can be moved by persistence, how much more will God (the just God! [3]) who views us with fatherly love [4] be moved by our persistence!
The act of persisting can be something that prepares us to hear God’s answers. As we pursue Him, our own hearts are softened to hear what He has to say.
God is not capricious. What would happen to us if, instead of thinking that He likes to make us wait simply because He can, we adopted the mentality that there is a reason and purpose for everything He does, including the waiting?
At times, I’ve been puzzled by a passage for years before He shares His answer. Be patient. If you’re not able to understand right away, you can try out some of these other resources. Or, it’s okay to wait. It’s up to you.
B. Your Bible study leader
Your Bible study leader may not know the answer to your question, but he or she should be experienced in using several different resources. He or she may be able to look up your question or point you in the right direction so that you can search out the answers for yourself.
C. Your pastor
Your pastor has undergone years of training to help people like us better understand the word of God. Don’t be satisfied with just hearing what the answer is; dare to ask “why” or “how” or any of the other questions that enter your mind.
Ask your pastor to help you understand the nuances of the answer, situations in which it might not apply, and how they came to the conclusion they have communicated to you. Make sure they can back up their answers with Scripture, and that they’re not using only one verse to support their stance while ignoring other verses. (We’re all human and can still fall into mistaken thought patterns.)
A good pastor will be delighted to engage with you in this, and help you train yourself to think in a way that treats the Word of God responsibly and with respect.
D. Beware the Internet
Don’t just do a search on the internet to find an answer that sounds convincing. We need look no further than Matthew 4 and way Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness to see how subtly Satan can twist Scripture into something that’s actually a lie.
There are loads of lies on the Internet—even more so now with AI (I'll get into this in a future post). So please don’t use Google to answer your theological questions.
Of course, you might have favourite websites to reference. Christianity Today is a good one. Some people like Desiring God. If you're in your 30's or younger, you might like Relevant. These are all good resources with generally reliable content. For comparing Bible translations, I like BibleHub. When I'm looking for Bible verses on a specific topic, I like OpenBible.
If you like to read, your pastor or Bible study leader should be able to recommend good books on the topic you want to learn about.
Commentaries and Bible dictionaries can be great resources, too. Scholars and theologians have spent much time pondering, cross-referencing, researching, and studying the word of God, and they are happy to share their insights with us.
As with the other resources I've mentioned, I do want to remind you of one caution:
Make sure you choose a commentary resource that’s reputable.
Here are some commentaries that I would recommend:
- The Pillar New Testament Commentary series
- The IVP Bible Background Commentary series
- The New International Commentary series
- Word Biblical Commentary series
- The commentaries at biblegateway.com are generally reliable, but they do require a small monthly subscription to enable access.
E. A trusted, mature Christian friend
Like your Bible study leader, a trusted and mature Christian friend or family member may not know the answers to your questions, but hopefully you’ve developed a relationship that will allow you to share what you’re learning and what you’re wrestling with in your devotional times.
You can pray for each other, brainstorm, and bounce ideas off of each other. Some of my best learning experiences have come when I’ve been chatting with someone who’s my equal (i.e., not more highly trained than me) as we sort through the Scriptures together! Don’t discount your friends, fellow church members, and family members as valuable resources and sources of encouragement.
That said, if our friends are discouraged and flailing too, we may not find immediate help with them. Sometimes disheartenment can feed on itself. If both you and your friend are severely disheartened, you both may need outside help. If you don't find relief with one person, reach out to someone else. Don't just gloss over your struggle. Even if it fades temporarily, it will come back eventually.
(I'd like to end with an additional caution here. If you're going to therapy, please make sure your therapist is Christian. Someone who isn't Christian won't fully understand the spiritual side of your struggle and may even unintentionally make it worse.)
F. Me
Feel free to leave a comment here or shoot me an email. I can't guarantee I'll have a useful answer for your question, but I'll spend time thinking and praying about it with you.
You are not alone, Precious One. You matter. Your questions matter.
Lord Jesus, as we end this series, thank You for the time we've spent together. Thank You that You are near to the brokenhearted [5], full of grace and compassion, and the One who never overlooks injustice or evil. [6] Thank You that You are fully trustworthy, You never change, and we will never find skeletons in Your closet. Thank You that even when we are faithless, You remain faithful because You cannot deny Yourself. [7] Thank You that You are our firm foundation, and that when we rest in Your embrace, we find peace and joy and hope beyond our wildest dreams. Thank You, Jesus, that You are bigger than all of us, than all of history. Today we rest ourselves in You and are content. In Jesus' strong and powerful arms we pray, amen.
NOTES
Unless otherwise noted, all scriptures are taken from the NASB version.
[1] 1 John 1:7, NIV.
[2] The Four Spiritual Laws booklet. Accessed 3 September 2025. https://thoughtsaboutgod.com/docs/4laws.pdf
[3] See Psalm 89:14.
[4] See 1 John 3:1, Psalm 103:13.
[5] See Psalm 34:18.
[6] See Isaiah 30:18, 61:8; Amos 5:24.
[7] See 2 Timothy 2:11–13.
